


[Cliff/Sam]A Worm In The Apple

by Rosemarin



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22050832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosemarin/pseuds/Rosemarin
Summary: Sam Bridges wants to visit Clifford Unger’s beach again.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges & Clifford Unger, clifford Unger/sam porter bridges
Kudos: 65





	[Cliff/Sam]A Worm In The Apple

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Peloko translates the first half, and I finished the second half.  
> The Chinese version is in my collcetion.

Warming: Spoiler, Post-game, Tentacle, Male lactation, Blood.

The greatness of a man didn’t come from his destinations but from his journey on the bridge that led toward it.

And the reason a man was loved, was because he had experienced tribulations and destruction.

< Thus Spoke Zarathustra >, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

1

He saw a fetus lying on the beach.

The bleak water rushed toward the shore, washing over the back of his foot, yet the man couldn’t register any coldness. He just stood there, staring at that tiny, grayish body. A body that no longer breathes, no longer blinks, no longer would they extend their wee fingers to grasp at his larger ones. Scarlet blood snaked out of the gaping hole in the middle of the fetus’ stomach. Like another umbilical cord, it swims toward the sea, connecting to him.   
That’s my child. He thought, That is all that I have left.

“Clifford, my dear, why don’t you come here?”  
Someone called for him from the depth of the ocean. It was so gentle, as if she didn’t know it was exactly this man who had pushed her into the depth of this limbo. Wandering between the water in the seam, she called for her lover’s company. But It is all useless in the end. Waves will wash away all the memories, bleaching the souls, bright and clean, to ready them for another body. Only then would they arrive, and walk the shore of another land.  
He had no way of answering her call, and even if he could, he wouldn’t. a strip of slender red thread shifted among the waves. It wandered around his ankle, tied itself a knot around his flesh.  
How could he leave? He had yet to tell the little guy what his name was, had to yet to hear him calling him ‘dad’. Just how could he leave now?  
Clifford Unger had experienced two great wars within his lifetime. No enemies nor destructions were able to rid him from this world, yet under the foot of the bed that lied his dead wife, he finally passed away, together with a son that had never truly been alive.  
I was perverted, I was bloodthirsty, I had sinned without any hope for clemency. But my baby, my dearest BB does not deserve ending like this. He raised his head, eyes connecting with the woman in the front. Dresses vibrant and red like fresh blood.

“Your child will be my child, your connection to him will become my connection to him.   
He will forever remember having a mother, but never a father. And his love will be placed on me.”  
She bent gracefully to pick up the corpse. With a flick of her fingers, the bleeding stopped. Blood vanishing as if it had never been there, and so did the red knot that was tied around his ankle. He heard the faint sound of a thread snapping. Something broke. Instead of a bridge, all there was left was a wall, a cliff, separating him from what he had once owned and treasured.  
“As a deal, you will lose all sense of logic, trapped in your own nightmare and never be able to reach the beyond. You will turn your hatred toward me into a storm, only to forever beat down upon the lifeless beach.” The woman smiled, lifting the infant to support him on her shoulder.  
“For something to leave, something must stay. That is the rule of beaches. “  
“Clifford Unger, are you willing to stay for his sake?”

He nodded, and stepped backwards toward the sea. Waves of water immediately rose to welcome him, drenching his thigh and waist. Countless hands grabbed his calf, they were the people that he murdered in the name of war. Men, women, children, people whom he could not save, and comrades he could not bring home. The woman’s call had long been gone, so did his Ka. So he forgot about her name and her face--he even forgot that he once loved her. All of the memories returned to the ocean floor, wait for time’s disintegration.  
But his baby, who was crying in the embrace of his new mother, did not look back. He did not turn to see how his father watched him, while vanishing into the endless sea.  
Those beautiful blue eyes would always only blink on one side. The man reflected in them had a bloodied past. And now he cut off all his connections, stood himself on the edge of a cliff.

An apple full of worm holes. Hatred liquified into tar, bled out from every crevasses, leaked out from his blue eyes.  
“BB” He whispered.

Another wave came, drowning out his frame.

2.  
An email arrived at Lockne’s terminal. The machine beeped timidly while she typed away furiously at her keyboard, scared that this notification would be seen as a transgression worthy of a lethal punishment from the only scientist capable of maintaining the entire Chiral network. Judging from all the broken cufflinks piled in the corner of the room, it wouldn’t be an uncommon event. Sensing a spike in her heart rate, the AI contemplated for a few seconds, before ultimately sending out another notification.  
“You have received a new mail.”  
“Yeah yeah I get it. I only have three more KNOTs to get through. 10 hours tops.” Lockne swallowed a mouthful of coffee from her giant mug. Black liquid so bitter that she shuddered minutely from its flavor. “Just what is our new boss thinking, why did he leave the maintenance of the entire Chiral network to only the two of us? Did all the other technicians die or something? And what is he expecting us to do with chiral density this low? Raise the density ourselves?”  
“I know, instead of trapping you here to maintain the network, I wish he would just let me do some more research with Chiral crystals. We don’t have that many of them left, but we have yet to find a way to capture them again. At this rate it’s only time until the entire network collapses.” She switched to another voice, only to keep complaining about their situation. This was of course, Malingen, the twin that she was sharing her body with.  
The mechanic glanced again at her cufflinks, ready to sweep the nagging email into the trash folder. But stopped when she saw what is was.

Come to the lab ASAP. Don't tell anyone.

There were only two sentences in this email. With a blank space where the sender’s information should have been. Lockne paused her extending finger, smiled, then proceeded to delete and erase all traces of the message from the network. She had a pretty good guess from whom this email originated from, her intuitions rarely betrayed her.   
“Causing trouble for Malingen again, why am I not surprised.”  
The noirette grumbled under her breath. Still she jumped out of her seat, grabbed her trench coat, and emerged into the snow storm outside.

The lab looked the same from when Malingen left. Unfinished projects cloaked in darkness, littered around the workstations. She lightly brushed her fingers across their surfaces, gathering a layer of dust. Brisk winter air followed the newcomer’s step and rushed into the building, chasing away all the staleness lingering in the air. The mobile hanging on top of the door swayed lightly. Octopuses, starfish, and clams made out of aluminum sheets jingled, the merry sound echoed in the air, yet their child, the greatest project they ever conceived, was no longer here.  
Electricity in the lab was also connected to the network, so she didn’t bother to switch them on. With the faint light coming from the front door the girl proceeded, treading silently around robots and vehicles, searching.  
“...Sam?”  
She knew it was him that had summoned her here. The man who, not that long ago, had purged all his personal records from the system, and disappeared along with BB-28 on their way to the incinerator. Unsung hero of the new America had chosen on that day to leave the public view. She did not know his reasoning, but the twin had hoped for a reunion with him nonetheless. Their connections were not yet severed after all.  
“Sam, is that you? It’s Malingen, I’m here.”  
Heavy premonition began to weigh on Lockne’s chest. What if he was harmed? Passed out from heavy wounds? Or maybe stranded between the snow...Faint cry rang out from the depth of the lab, distracting her from her paranoia.

“I’m here...”  
An Odradek lighted up from behind a sitting figure on the floor, its blue light illuminating a box-crammed corner of the lab. Malingen finally saw the man that had been reported missing for a week. He curled in on himself next to a pile of cardboard boxes, gingerly cradling a small bundle of cloth in his chest.  
“Sam, are you alright? Where have you been for the last week? Why didn't you contact any of us?”  
She quickly shortened their distance and knelt down in front of the man, hand extended, wanting to examine the bruises bloomed on his forehead, but stopped when she remembered his phobia. Unexpectedly, he pressed his forehead into her fingers and closed his eyes. Malingen finally saw the dark circles lining under his eyes, and the purple shade on the tip of his ears. They showed her the kind of trip he had to endure in order to reach here.  
“…Lou was hungry, but I have nothing for her to eat. I …I don’t know how to take care of a real baby, but you must know, Malingen, could you help us?”  
This was when Malingen finally realized the squirming bundle in his care. He handed it over, and a pinkish baby emerged from within, too fatigued from the hunger to wail, she could only suckle on her own thumb while fat tears dripped from those reddened eyes. Lockne remember seeing the kid not that long ago, but back then it was through the pod, and the BB still had that ghastly umbilical cord connected to her.  
“Lou? How did she?”  
She swayed the baby slowly, Malingen’s instinct as a mother flared up fiercely, pushing her to care, protect and love the tiny bundle in her hold, and as a mother, it was nearly unbearable to see a kid starved to this degree.   
An elaborate plan for interrogation not excluding torture had already been forming in her mind, but those inquiries never had a chance to leave her lips-- the culprit lowered his heads right after handing over the infant. In order to reach the lab as fast as possible, he had hiked across a snowy mountain on two feet, and haven’t rested for 36 hours. The man breathed in, and fell into a deep slumber then and there. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
Chaotic dreams. 

Sam knows he is dreaming, and of course remembers this scene. He has seen it countless times from his and the BB’s memory after all.

Through the screen of fine bubbles and muddled liquid surrounding him, he sees a man’s face. A face that is sometimes filled with grief, sometimes lit up by joy. He stares at those brown eyes, and remembers seeing them bleeding black tar in some other distant dreams. He extends his own tiny hands, wanting to mirror them to the man’s bigger ones, but can only caress the cold hard surface of the BB pod.

He smells blood. The man carries the tiny infant into his hands, and with trembling hands he wipes off tears that are threatening to drip down from those brown eyes. Those eyes are still looking at him, gently. As gentle as when he gazes at him through the pod--The man has always looked at him with those eyes, always and always.

Warmth different from the amniotic fluid surrounds him, he instinctively tries to hug back, to return the gesture. And in the next moment.

A gunshot rings out.

\--------------------------------------

Sam shot up from the stretcher he was lying on, panting frantically. He reached for his chest absentmindedly, yet did not find the soft bundle of fabric that should have been there. Waves of panic washed over, the man struggled to get off of the stretcher despite soreness wracking his entire body, but only to stumble when he accidentally stepped on a robotic arm.  
“It’s about time you wake up. I was going to put an IV on you if you sleep any longer. Just so you don’t starve to death in your dream.”

The mechanic had changed back to her practical work cloth, and signed after taking a good look at the mess that was sitting on the floor. “I never expected you to be able to take care of yourself, least of Lou.” She went up and pulled Sam off of the floor, and sat him down at the side of the stretcher.  
“Where is Lou? How is she now?”   
The baby was the reason why he came here after all, to find a way to feed his starving child.  
“I fed her. She had one entire bottle of powdered milk.” The noirette couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him, “How could you starve the kid to this point?”  
“I had nothing to feed her. Deadman only told me that I could take her out of the pod, but mentioned nothing about how to actually care for a baby.” He gestured vaguely to the air, hoping to convey his frustration. “I couldn’t feed her crytobiotes either, she didn’t even have teeth.”  
“Fine, fine. I guess men are just useless when it comes to this.”  
Malingen rolled her eyes again. “You guys are lucky that she had just turned into an actual baby from a BB, and has a lot less demand for food because of that. Else, no amount of effort on my part could have saved her.”  
The woman then turned and gestured at the cradle hanging on the other side of the lab. “She’s asleep in there for now... Never imagined that this thing would come in handy again.”  
“Thank you...Thank you for everything you did for us.”  
Sam could sense the mechanic’s mood dropping, but didn’t know how to console her. After all, it was his situation that had added salt on her scar.  
“Never mind those, you still haven’t told me what happened in the last week? And why is Lou out of the pod now?” She pinned him with a death glare.   
“Give me the whole truth, or you won’t be getting a single spoon of milk powder from me!”

It only took ten minutes for the secret to be let out of the bag, explained down to the utter most details. But it took more time for a person to absorb. Malingen stayed silent for a long while after Sam finished his story, waiting for it to sink it.  
“...It looks like every single one of us all have a difficult past.” She finally signed, and patted Sam on the back in condolence. “You already did the best you could. He would be proud of you.”  
“Yeah, I know.” The man didn’t want to dwell on this topic for too long. “I will try my best to raise Lou well, to give her a good childhood.”  
“And that is why you burned your cufflinks...But what are you planning to do for now? You can’t continue your life as before now you have her now, right? To be honest, even though Bridges sucks ass......Sorry, I just really wanna complain for a minute, Die-Hard Man is driving me insane here. But at least Bridges can keep you and Lou safe. Plus, you have us there, right?”  
She looked at her friend with concerned eyes. She now understands why Sam would take Lou out of the pod, and walk across the UCA to reach her.  
He wanted to give Lou a home, and a chance at a happier life. One that he once had but lost.  
“I still haven’t thought about it, Malingen. I just wanted to live life as we go for now. As of Bridges, I have yet to find a reason to go back there.”  
The man raised his head, gaze passing by the ceiling and the mobile hanging there. “Sometimes it just wasn’t so easy to reconcile with the past.”  
The girl signed. Even though this body belonged to Lockne, she still remembered everything here vividly. Including tiny black handprints that used to crawl across walls and ceiling. She couldn’t keep her daughter’s Ha, so by the time she disappeared, only ghosts of chiral crystal shards were scattered around the air, and even those disappeared moments later.  
But Sam…He was facing a completely different situation.  
She contemplated whether it as a good idea or not to tell Sam the new she got from Heartman. Since no one other than Amelie was able to achieve such a feat, and her beach had been sealed off now, and completely impossible for detection...while she was still mulling over her options, it was Sam who first broke the silence. With expression twisted as if he was forced to swallow an entire nest of cryptobitics, he started.

“Hey Malingen...I don’t mean to offend, but I’m very confused by some...changes happening to my body. And I can’t go see any doctors…”  
His cheeks and ears were starting to redden at a visible rate, “You have been a mother before, so I thought you might be able to help explain…”He zipped off his corrier uniform, and proceeded to push the edge of his tank top up, exposing large patches of reddened skin to the air.  
“Why the hell is my chest so swollen and sore?”  
“Wow.” The girl blinked, “I was this close to electrocuting you for sexual harassment, but it does seem like there’re some problems going on with you.” She retrieved a magnifying glass from her fanny pack. “Do you mind?”  
Sam’s face was already burning so hot he felt like it could burst into flame at any moment, but still he closed his eyes and nodded, allowing the mechanic to close in and examine his chest intently.  
“Umm...Yeah, it looks awful, and definitely swollen. From the looks of it seems to be some kind of gland hyperplasia. You were right to seek help with me, it seems.” Malingen signed. “I guess Deadman haven’t told you what hooking up with a BB unit long term will do to a human body?”  
“...what?”  
Sam pushed his shirt down, the friction between fabric and sensitive skin made him gasp.  
“A woman produces a lot hormone during the normal pregnancy period, some of them would be circulated and passed on to the infant, but most of them would stay and affect the mother. To make sure she could adjust smoothly from pregnancy to lactation, the glands in her chest would be stimulated to make sure they start making milk. And it was the hormone from a baby that triggered all of these. Since you have been artificially linked up with a BB for a long time now…” She tried to explain this impossible situation as calmly as possible;

“...The glands in your chest had been stimulated and altered due to higher than normal estrogen level in your body. In other words, your body is ready to produce milk now.” She shoulders shrugged. “I believe that would be all.”  
Malingen looked at the man in front of her, completely frozen from shock, and decided to take pity on this poor soul after swallowing down the mirth that was threatening to bubble up.   
“Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you are turning into a woman. Also, Lou has already become a normal baby. Her biological connection to you is weakening, so your hormones level will go back to normal eventually. You situation is very temporary.”  
“Soooooo...does that mean there will be milk coming out of ...here? Oh my god, fucking Deadman, I’ll make sure he is actually dead next time I see him!”  
Sam spitted out those words from trembling lips. Liquid started welling up in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to cry… What is wrong with me?” The man hid his face in his hands, and tried his best not to break down then and there.  
“Your emotions would likely be more unpredictable during these times. Don’t worry Sam, everything will be alright. We are all used to crying because of chiral allergy after all, right?”  
Malingen went up and patted him on the shoulder goodnaturedly. “If you are really not feeling well, you could always ask Lou for help, I’m sure she would be glad to do so.”  
“Please, stop…” Broken weeping seeped out from the cracks between his fingers, “This is...this is too much.”

Malingen waited for Sam to calm down, then led him to the cradle that contained Lou. The kid was sleeping peacefully in her blankets, and would sometimes grunt as if to express her uneasiness even while sleeping. Sam lifted her to his chest lightly, but Lou was still startled by the movement, and from the way she was clutching her hand, was just about to start wailing. In the past, Sam only had to shake the BB pod slowly to solve the problem, but now he had no choice but to sway his whole arms awkwardly to sooth the upset baby.  
Lou still twisted and turned in his hold, so he started humming, just like the way Clifford used to sing him to sleep.  
The man’s attention was so focused on the small, tear stained face in his hold, that he didn’t see the strange stare Malingen was giving him. An instinct he never knew he possessed led him making circles around the cradle, swaying with his pace, to better soothe Lou back to sleep.  
It was only until the little kid fell back into a slumber that Sam finally let his guard down, and put her back into her cradle. Malingen choose that moment to tug on his sleeve, signaling him toward the other corner of the lab.  
“Sam, there’s something I need to tell you.”  
She looked at those blue eyes in front of her. It was those blue orbs, filled to the brim with tender emotions that had moved her. Moved the part of her that belonged to a mother. Sam didn’t know what kind of emotions he possessed while singing that lullaby, they were hidden behind those eyes, but clear to Malingen’s observation. So full of nostalgia and grief, that she thought she knew exactly who he was thinking of when humming that song.  
“Deadman told me they have discovered Clifford Unger’s body.”  
“...Wait, what did you say?”   
Sam’s eyes widened as big as a saucer. He raised his voice, only to remember the sleeping kid not too far away, and lowered his volume.  
“I am not sure about the specifics. It seems like he was discovered in the freezer beneath HQ, but, I’m sure you could find out more if you check with Deadman.”  
A fire lit up behind Sam’s eyes, he knew what this meant, they all knew. All the Ha of the dead were disposed of due to the danger they pose as they necrotize, but it being able to be preserved meant...He looked at Malingen, who grabbed his shaking arms.

“Go to him.” She said.

3

Sneaking into Bridges wasn’t exactly an easy task, but considering how many times he had been here, Sam would like to think he was good enough to waltz past the scanners with his eyes closed. There was a lot more personnel here now that a new president had been elected, and disguising as one of them took Sam no time at all. Compared to all the things he had done in MULE camps, these really were nothing. Sam thought as he stuffed a passed by staff member into a nearby locker, and with a flash from the unfortunate employee's cufflink, invited himself into Deadman’s private room, and hid in his shower unit--He wasn’t planning on getting back, but oh well.  
The scientist finally came back from a meeting. Stripping himself off of all clothes, he was just about to step into the shower when an intruding arm hooked his neck and dragged him all the way inside. Freezing cold water instantly sprayed over his entire frame.  
“Oh. Hi Sam! And I thought you are not the type to hold grudges. You do know I only did that due to the circumstances right?” Deadman shivered and squeezed himself closer to the wet wall.  
“Then blame the circumstances this time too.” Sam grinded the sentence out from between his teeth and finally turned on hot water, mist and steam rose, blurring the two men’s silhouette, “Malingen told me to find you. You have found Clifford’s body?”  
“I see……” the coroner rubbed his nose and flashed an understanding smile. “I knew you would be back for him.”

Led by one of the founding members of UCA, Sam didn’t encounter any troubles on their way to the freezer. Behind the last bullet-proof security door, white smoke rolled out and turned into water droplets after touching their thermostatic uniform.  
“This place was originally for emergency food and medications. No one had been here since we have moved HQ. I happen to run out of hormones for experiments a couple of days ago, and was looking over here for more.” Deadman led him into the depth of the room. Behind rolls and rolls of storage unit, was a black wall, adorned with subtle, twisting patterns.  
“I end up finding him here.”  
The coroner pulled at an inconspicuous level that was hidden on the side, and a drawer came out. Sam blinked, he didn’t see anything on the wall that would have given away its secret compartment, the fat guy had some sharp eyes.  
“Clifford Unger. Here’s his identification card. He had been stored here since before the Death Stranding era under the highest top-secret clearance. I had to search through the backup copy of the previous system to find any information on him……”  
Sam didn’t hear a single word from his friend’s continuous rambling. Slowly he reached out toward the man lying on the frozen slab. Frost had coated the face he had seen only in memories, preserving him at the exact time he passed away. Sam’s fingers traced the bloodstain, then sandy blond hair, then a pair of closed eyes. He knew exactly how beautiful those eyes were if they were to open again.  
His fingers finally made contact with stone-hard lips. Lips that should have been soft, soft enough to be molded into the shape of a lullaby…...Tears welled up again, and dripped down onto the inside of his oxygen mask. The liquid quickly froze over, masking out multiple muddled gunshot wounds from Sam’s view.  
“Clifford……”  
Sam’s voice was muffled with his oxygen mask, reverbing back to his own eardrums. Deadman patted him on the back, and read out the last of the records.  
“The original BB’s health had been unstable when he was first sent back from the beach, seemingly unable to cross the threshold between life and death completely. The president had ordered to preserve Clifford Unger’s body, for whenever the baby started wailing due to his connection to the beach, placing him next to the body would always calm him down. All of the baby’s vital would return to normal. This situation continued until the boy turned two……”  
“Who was this original BB? And how could there be a bridge baby that had been allowed to live, and even repatriate?” Deadman questioned after reading out the last part, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What happened between the president and Clifford Unger?”  
“I can answer all of those questions.” Sam answered lowly, “But you have to contact Heartman for me, I have some answers I need from him as well.”

Within Deadman’s private suite, Sam was able to connect to Heartman’s terminal.  
“Hey Sam, long time no see.” The hologram waved at him, “It just so happens that I had just come back, and we have...let’s see... 21, oh I mean 20 minutes to talk.”  
“You could still go to the beach?” Sam frowned, “I thought Amelie had closed all the entrances to them……”  
“You were right, Amelie, or should I say the Extinction Entity, had closed off all of them. But that doesn’t mean the beach doesn’t exist anymore, and one could still access their own via the usual means.” He pointed at his defibrillator.   
“By dying. “  
“It is obvious that accessing the beach using tokens like your dreamcatcher and Fragile’s micanga are not working anymore. In other words, the boundaries that were separating everyone’s beaches are being more defined again, and that is also why the chiralium level is dropping in our world.”  
“Then how were you looking for your family? Since you can’t go to other people’s beaches anymore?”  
“No no, Sam, I only said that you couldn’t go directly into other people’s beaches, but you could still reach them using your own beach. You were a DOOMS sufferer, and also a repatriate. You have already gone to the Seams multiple times. Remember how I said you could follow the strand of light back to your own body, and back to life?”  
“Yes, I could always go back as long as I followed that umbilical cord.” Sam nodded.  
“And you could also see other people’s cords, yes? They were not glowing, but still visible.” Heartman continued, “Even Though our beaches cannot be connected into a single coastline anymore, the connections were still there. I was thinking, If we were able to find the ‘anchor’ that was keeping the connections, does that mean we can trace its cord and reach other beaches? Maybe their Ka are still waiting for me, waiting for me to depart with them……”  
“......I thought you were ready to start a new life.”  
“There will always be people who wouldn’t move on, Sam, for some people…...living in the past is their best choice. I’m not brave enough to…...forget about them, and start anew, because they are already part of me!  
Beeping noises sounded from the hologram, warning the man that he had one minute before having to return to his endless searching. Heartman signed, and said his last regards toward the confused man in front of him.  
“They are my beginning and end, Sam. Every time I go to the beach, I am not forfeiting my life for them. Quite the opposite, I decided to come back here, time and time again, because of them.”  
“Come talk to me again if you can get it…”  
The call cut off there, but Heartman’s last words were still echoing in Sam’s mind. Suddenly, his last encounter with Fragile before going to the incinerator came to him.  
He was a man with no place to return to. Even though there was always a private room waiting for him in every distribution center, but there was no way to shake off this loneliness. Even with a roof over his head, it felt like he was still pacing amongst the wilderness, with no place to return to, and no one waiting for his return.  
And those strands…… those people who had been connected thanks to him, they all have their own lives, and he is only one of the threads in their webs. Sam had realized that he was a dot, connected with many strands, but even after all that he had been through, he still couldn’t weave a web of his own.  
Go forth…...meet new people, start a new life…...was not as easy as it sounded. He had only found out about his past, about the man who had given up everything for him. How could he just let it, let him, go now, and face forward to a new tomorrow? Sam forced himself to remember Clifford. For him, Clifford had given him life twice. But if he wanted to live forward, there was no way but to forget the man.

Then, why was Sam coming back?  
Because this was the place he last saw Clifford, the place he lost Clifford, also the place he would find Clifford again.  
He had no idea, but the search was already on;  
Why did Sam think he could accomplish this task?  
He only knew that he had to find him. He believed he could do it, because he had to.  
But the road to the beach was so long and treacherous. No one knew if Clifford’s Ka was there or not. How could he be so sure that this journey would not end up as a waste of his effort?  
Don’t say those words to Sam. He won’t, and doesn’t dare to listen to them. Fuck the future, let people like Fragile embrace it. And forget about the past, it belongs to Malingen. Sam can only exist in the now, and the only time he has to find Clifford, is right now.  
He has to find, to love, right this moment, that is the only way for him to survive.

“I still have time to tell you a story, buddy.” Sam turned to Deadman, tears crawling down his cheeks.  
“But not any later. I will be going on a long journey soon.”

3.

Sam zipped up the body bag, put the last seal on it, and the refrigeration system kicked in, filling every corner of the bag with cold air.  
He half knelt on the ground. Deadman helped him put the bag on his back, tied it with a rope, and wrapped it around his chest. Then the secret-keeper stepped back, looked at his friend, took off his glasses and wiped the corners of his eyes.  
"If you decide to start a new life... you know the way to the incinerator."  
"You know I won't. "Sam stood up and tightened the straps. "I never want to go there again."  
"The person on my back...Cliff, and Lou, they were my whole life, and now I'm gonna make it whole."  
He waved to Deadman, and the gate in front of him rose slowly, revealing green fields and mountains, not far away rang the singing of birds. He walked towards the light.

The Mountain Path was muddy and rugged, he shambled with Cliff on his back, the mud splashing on his shoes and the bottom of his trousers.  
"Such a heavy, ha?" He talks to the corpse on his back, and to himself, as a diversion on a journey.  
"You said you wanted to show me the whole world, but I walked from the East Coast to the West Coast, alone. Now I have to carry you to do it again. "He tossed the man behind him up and over another hill. A cable car ran down the hill, but he couldn't use it because it would connect him to the internet. So Sam chose another smoother road and slowly drifted down.  
"I built all these facilities..." he paused, "Bridges printed them, but I collected the materials, I went to a lot of camps and emptied the storage box of that crazy couriers... I had wanted to do this a long time ago."  
"When I first met Fragile, I was surprised to see her eating that bugs, and then I started catching and eating them, and the taste was as bad as ever... why does she like them so much, like a snack?"  
"I met a lot of BT here, the rain was so heavy, I hid in a stone under the rain for a long time, hungry, only eat mushrooms... No, I do not want to explain how to get those mushrooms."  
He went on and on, as if to say all the things he didn't have chance to say before. Those who thought Sam is uncommunicative would be astonished to see it. as if a corpse carrying courier were holding forth. A courier with a dead body on his back was talking into endless. From the first time he saw the beach as a child, to the last time Lou lay in his arms and sneezed, he sounded like a complete lunatic.  
But nobody saw it, nobody heard it. He walked through uninhabited mountains, crossed streams and rapids, trudged knee deep in snow, and kept talking to Cliff about the live of his child that he had missed;  
How he grew up, like an apple in the autumn mature.

Finally, he climbed the last mountain, saw the black building out of the snow. The woman with the baby stood at the door to greet him.  
"I brought Lou. She misses you so much with tears."  
When she put the baby in his arms, Sam felt a dull pain in his chest, and he almost forgot the exasperating change until the hungry Lou reminded him again. The little fellow writhed and nuzzled his chest. Sam wiped tears from her little face with his fingers.  
He put the bag behind him on the stretcher with her help, then brought Lou into the other room. He really needed to fix this problem, some of the liquid had already wet his clothes.  
"Oh, God, I wish I could forget this..."  
Sam lifted up his blouse and the cream colored liquid trickled down his skin, filling the tiny room with a creamy sweetness. He felt as if his chest had been stuffed with a pair of balloons, which were slowly but surely blowing up. There was no change in appearance, of course, but he knew something was different.  
Picking Up Lou, who was wiggly, Sam closed eyes and slowly drew her closer to the spot where he was upset. The baby's lips and tongue are as soft as pudding, and the toothless alveoli grind through the red, swollen and swollen areas, sending electricity up the spine. He remembered the boxes of oxytocin hormone he'd shipped, which did bring pleasure and joy, and tied clouds to his legs.  
Lou sucked up one side, and he shifted her to the other, and the milk wet his breast, and ran down the gully of his abdominal muscles into his trousers. He had never been so stimulated, and had erected early. Now he just wants a private shower so he can deal with his personal problems later.  
"Will you stop biting me? I know it was wrong of me to leave you there, but you have to stop."  
Sam pulled the infant from his breast with a red face, and the baby smacked her lips, yawned, and went to sleep. A thousand times over, Sam cursed Dead man, tucks her back in the blanket, and carries her back to the lab hallway.  
"How about being a mother?" MaMa took the baby and raised an eyebrow at him.  
Sam walked past her, pretending not to hear anything.  
He pushed through the door as Heartman lay in the treatment chair, the clock ticking on the screen beside him with just a minute countdown. So Sam sat in a nearby chair, waiting for the seeker to return to the shore of life.  
The buzzer sounded, and the man in the chair bounced up, opened his eyes, and knocked on the hourglass. The golden crystals sand began to slide down again."218907 visits, no hits." The man saw a figure sitting on a chair, and smiled;  
"There you are, Sam. "He held out his hand to the man in front of him, and Sam grabbed it when he realized he was going to pull it back.  
"I understand what you said, thank you. "He saw a flash of light in the eyes of Heartman, "so I came here, I hope you can give me some help."  
" know. I knew it from the moment I saw what you brought, and I thought you wouldn't mind Deadman and Lockne telling me all this story?"  
The scientist took him to one side of the stretcher, unwrapped the tape, unzipped the Zipper, and the cold escaped through the tear, revealing the man's livid face and neck.  
"It isn't a secret, of course, that I would have to deal with it sooner or later. "Sam Nodded, ran his finger over Cliff's sideburns, and pushed a clump of hair back into place. "If I find his Ka again, will I bring him back from the beach? "He gazed eagerly at his heart, his eyes blazing with fire.  
"In theory, yes." The scientist nodded." But there are too few repatriates like you, and you are the only one who has achieved this miracle. You came back from the dead because the masters of the Beach brought you back. But who paid what price for your life? What will you pay for Cliff's life? The answers to these questions are unknown."  
"The worst ending you may get is getting stuck in your own Beach, or Cliff's Beach, never come back."  
"If you can die one hundred thousand times for your family, why shouldn't I? "Sam said with a wry smile.  
"There's always something worth you spend everything for it."   
"You and I are the same." The scientist patted him on the shoulder," but you have more hope than me."  
"To get into Cliff's Beach, you first have to get into your own, which is not difficult for repatriate, you just have to stop bodily functions, and when you find what you're looking for, you come back from the sea as you were before."  
"The question is how do you get into his beach. Heart man draws a simple diagram on the light screen. You dive into the depths of your own Beach and Sea, find the link to him, and follow it upward, upward...Perhaps you can return to a part of his beach. You may see him, as you have in the storms before, but you must find the real beach, the real Cliff, and bring him back."  
He paused, "Of course, it's the best we can hope for, maybe his Ka has already crossed over the sea, maybe he doesn't know you anymore, kills your soul, you'll get hurt in the battle of beach, won't you? You'll never come back."  
"I knew it, but I had to go, I knew he was still there... "Sam closed his eyes, and before the memory he could remember, he saw a man standing in the waves, a man he once thought was part of his own weird dream.   
But it's all real.  
"Unlike last time, your baby can no longer sense the Chiral material, so your danger will multiply, and there is nothing that Odradek can do for you. You are on your own. Sam, be careful, Cliff's consciousness depends on which beach he is on, he won't recognize you as his child, but in order for him to find you, you'll have to take the BB pod... and Lou."  
Sam frowned. "I don't want to involve her in this. It's too dangerous."  
"I'm afraid you'll have to. He thinks of Lou as his lost child, which is why he found you, and the child's constitution is the same as yours, as bridge baby, she's also the anchor that connects Cliff to you. Don't worry, at least in the BB pod she doesn't need to eat, and time has no meaning on the beach."  
"If I have to, I'll do everything I can to protect her." Sam Nods. "When shall we start?"  
"As soon as you're ready, I'll take you there. It's just a small electrical shock to the heart. It won't hurt you and Lou." Heartman said.  
In the hallway, Sam saw Lockne, who had been standing at the door, with her new BB pod and detector in her arms. "I redesigned it to make it more suitable for normal babies, and while it doesn't detect BT, its scanning capabilities are better than ever, and you can use it for high intensity lighting. " She gave him a hug, "be careful, you must come back together. "  
"We will." Sam repeated in a low voice, putting his arm around her.

"Sorry, you'll have to go back to the pod. " He put the baby's hand in his hand," I need you, I need you as much as ever, you can take me to him, I'll protect you, with my life, and we'll never be apart again, I promise you, this is the last time, take me to Cliff, okay?"  
The little fellow gave him a sweet smile and a string of bubbles.  
I'll take that as a yes, okay? "Sam kisses her little hand and gives her to Lockne. "We're ready."  
"I need you to lie here, Take Cliff's hand, and imagine your own Beach." With some electrodes pressed to his chest and the hatch stuck in the clasp of Sam's abdomen, where Lou twirled in it, with her tiny hand against the bulkhead. "You're not yet unfamiliar with the nutrient solution, it is great, this device will link yours to Sam's blood oxygen levels, and his breathing will become part of you."  
Sam dressed in full gear, lay down on a stretcher beside Clifford, and took Cliff's hand as if it were a block of ice. He locked each of his own finger between that hand's stiff fingers, clasping them together like a knot.  
"We will find you." He whispered.  
Heartman flipped the switch, electricity coursed through his heart like a small snake. Sam felt a tingling sensation, the darkness enveloping him and dragging him into a vast sea of consciousness.

4

The cry of a baby woke him up through the deep sea.  
Sam opened his eyes. The murky water was rushing to the narrow shoreline, came to them. He sniffed, pulled a rotten crab shell from his face, and flung it far out to sea.  
Lou, still writhing in his arms, Sam unzipped the tiny pod and, instead of clumsily rocking it, cradled it carefully in his arms."Shhhh... Okay, okay, we're here." He looked up at the beach where he was, deep down, expecting something he hadn't even expected for: was that woman still here?

But there was only the dull sound of the waves coming up the shore again and again, and the distant Mountain and Grassy knolls were silent also.  
With a wry smile, he slowly got up from the beach with Lou in his arms, still surrounded by creatures of all shapes and sizes washed up on the shore, never to return to the sea, never to climb onto the land. Sam walked past the carcass of an orca, reaching deeper into the sea. There was an explosion behind him, and red blood and flesh crackled on the surface of the sea, like a rain.  
The water of the Dead Sea was murky and cold, Sam held his breath, moving his limbs. Floating in the water were countless black cord, one head leading to the bottom and the other to the surface, like a dense forest of Sargassum. He saw the golden one, connected to his other self, the umbilical cord he had passed back to life countless times, but now he had to get away from it, and it was not time to go home.

As he swam on, Sam saw that it was not only the deportees who gave birth to the bond; all sorts of things could become the anchor.   
He saw an old photograph, there were some grey spot on a young woman's face；  
A pistol, the bullet inside was already empty;  
A broken doll, winked at him.  
He even saw that dream catcher, can this dangling link lead up to Amelie's beach? He didn't want to think about it, or didn't dare to, swam past it in a hurry.  
What's the anchor holding Clifford in place?  
He swam forward, a black dog tag floating in the water, which of course he recognized, had twice brought him back from the center of the storm. A black cord led it to the misty sea above, and Sam seized it, the tar on which the name was stuck, and he put it softly to his lips.

5

He woke up in the midst of a firefight. A grenade flew over his head and landed in a ditch in the distance, screaming.  
Over his shoulder, the Odradek stood up and twirled frantically around. Sam recognized the spot where he had first been, the place he had first met Cliff. He pulled a rifle from the body at his feet and went into the ditch at the other end. The sound of heavy footsteps came from the other side of the field and seemed to ringed near his ear.  
"BB, BB, my dear..."  
Soft call was like a ghost, He jumped from trench to trench, the tanks creaked through the barbed wire, and each shell is crashing to the ground, a flower made by blood and soil will bloom.  
Sam saw some soldiers hiding in the ruins, most of them with young faces and blue bristles on their chins, praying to God through their tears, mumbling the names of some people, maybe parents, maybe girls waiting for him to return. And those ties have long since been severed.  
A grenade had been thrown at his feet, swirling and creaking like boiling water along the bottom of the pit, and the young soldiers were wailing and grabbed their hands around throats, their skin peeling from the flesh.  
Sam looked up and saw Cliff, heavily armed, standing at the edge of the ditch. Lou in his arms began to cry uneasily, Sam wanted to call his name, but a thick yellow mist already climbed on the tip of his nose. He began to cough violently, shed tears, and dropped in to black.

The poisonous gas went up his nose, blocking all the passages like a gel. The craving for oxygen caused him to cough, vomit, and spouted large amounts of black tar. Sam opened his eyes, found a tarry tentacle had been glued to the pod.  
"Let go of me!" He tore the thing off and covered his belly with his arms, but a new group from the mud at his feet, wrapped around his ankles and pulled him to the ground. A black hand came out of the mud and clasped his wrist to pull it away from the pod, but Sam gritted his teeth and did not let go.  
The black mud around him began to bubble like a pot of boiling oil, as if exasperated by this unruly prey, more tentacles came out of the mud, wrapped around his shins and stretched upward Hang him upside down like a big bell.  
The lower part of the black hand slowly emerged from the tar, the man's arms and shoulders, then the black head, the dripping liquid running down his chest, his back, and finally the shadows around his waist and the scars on his abdomen. Sam could see clearly that, though it glistened with golden light, it was still a scar like a terrible cross, as if someone had dug something out of it and stitched it up in a hurry;  
"Cliff..."  
Sam called out his name, trying to awaken the man's sanity, but Cliff's lightless eyes stared at him, coldly and cruelly, as if looking at the remains of soldiers whose lives were of no consequence to him. He and his soldiers have killed countless such men, not to say the one in front of him. He squinted into a yellowish corner of Sam's arm, the BB pod.  
"Give back my child." He said.  
With a wave of his hand, a pair of stout tentacles emerged from the mud, wrapped around Sam's arm and tried to pull him away, but he arched his back, pressing the hold the pod deeper. The black snake left deep marks on his wrist They quickly turn purplish red when they meet the air, like another pair of heavy shackle rings.  
"No... I will never give you Lou..."

He reddened, curled himself into a shrimp in the air, and with his free leg kicked the black snakes, which hissed back like see the flames, as his blood stained the threads of a reflective streak. MaMa was always ready for all sorts of unexpected uses. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, but the next second he was gasping for air. The tentacle around his ankle suddenly released, and he fall defenseless into the tar below.  
Hugh Clifford impatiently clicked his tongue, and the tar exploded a flower before him, the black drops flew up into the air and formed a net, which caught the heads of the fallen men and baby, and more black snakes rose slowly up into the air and through the net close to his writhing prey, like nimble hands, they undid the buckles on his boots, and the rest crept up through the seams of his trousers and into the tiny spaces between the cloth and the skin. They seemed to understand that Sam's clothes were coated with something they couldn't get close to, and they twisted and tore at the offending packaging in an attempt to peel the man from it.  
Sam rolled around in the net, trying to get rid of the black snake that was crawling all over him, but the net was too tight and he had to put his arms more tightly around Lou and let it crawl all over him.  
"GIVE MY BB..."  
Cliff seemed impatient. The black snakes twisted frantically, growing fangs and Scales and tearing at Sam's clothes. More debris fell, revealing the man's bare legs. The snakes followed the skin from ankle, turning into black hands, and pressing it against Sam's skin left distinct handprints, the tiny palms now covering the single scarred thigh, and they were damp and cold and suck all the heat out of the skin.  
"NO! NO!"  
Sam kicked his legs in vain, couldn't stop them from going deeper, he couldn't pull them apart with his hands, because the little one in his arms was already crying. Damn stress reaction. His chest is starting to swell and pain again.  
More black snakes came out of his collar, his shirt was cut to pieces by the hard scales, Sam buried the pod deeper into his belly, his arms inevitably clasped under his chest Pushing the two sides together. It felt like they've been pushed to the BT's lips.  
The cool tentacle was now a thousand soft mouths, sticking to the tip of his aching chest, imitating the sucking of a baby, torturing his helpless prey. Pale yellow milk mixed in the thick black mud, dripping down, fall into the black tar at the foot of the pool.  
Sam felt shame, especially in the presence of Cliff, though he did not now recognize himself, had burned all his sanity because showed his father such promiscuous sight. His body responded honestly to the torture, itching and tingling from his chest, as if someone had clamped the two spots with a clamp and applied a small electric current on them. He opened his mouth and moaned. Another black snake got into his mouth and twisted it around his tongue. The smell of tar filled his mouth. Sam tried to bite the snake, but it rubbed hard against his upper jaw, sending another rough current through his mouth. Then slide deep down in his throat, he was forced to hold his neck high and squeeze tears from the corners of his eyes.  
Sam could not understand why this return to the battlefield became this situation, and he didn't have much reason to think about it, for the corners of his eyes were burning with desire, and this body was more sensitive than ever. The snakes buried between his legs had him cornered. He shivered and tried to release himself, to jump off the cliff, but the tentacles clung to his ankles, turning into tiny needles that plunged into the narrow hole and stopped him at the threshold of pleasure and pain. He wanted to ejaculated, to untangle the black serpents, to let the waves of lust wash over him.  
But he can't.  
He let out a painful hiss, his arms still pressed tightly against his belly, and allowed the snakes to play clumsily with his cock and chest. But could not, could not hand over Lou. He thought.  
"I swore...to protect you with all my life..."He squeezed the broken words out of his throat.  
The steel plates on the back of the pod had buckled under the pressure, cutting deep into his skin, teared up old abdominal scars, and gushing blood flowed from the wounds. The black snakes retreated in terror, dropping red and pearl raindrops into the black mud.  
Cliff looked at the scene in silence, without movement, as if something Sam had said had disturbed his confused consciousness. In a flash of pain and confusion, the man seemed to realize where he was, and the soldiers who died in his hands stared at him with hatred——  
He put his hands on his head and let out a cry of pain. The black net around Sam and the baby was gone, and the naked man with the incubator in his arms sank into the tar and was soon nowhere to be seen.

6.

Night fell over an unnamed eastern European town that was supposed to be silent, filled with stars and the occasional whisper of a weary bird from the forest. But one after another incendiary bombs trailing red tail fall into the city, the fire lit over the stars in the sky, burning the horizon into red.

"Ahh, almost there..."

Sam kicked aside the charred bodies at his feet and ducked into an empty building, peering through a window without glass, a tank rumbling down the street, the black muzzle is the eyes of death, Every target it aims will be reduced to rubble.  
Fortunately, there seems isn't any living people in the rickety building. Sam let out a sigh and slid against the wall to sit on the ground, barely halfway across the burning battlefield, hiding by the tank's treads; It was too much for a man who had just returned from a nightmarish night at the beach, and now he could feel his legs limp and the strange feeling in his chest...  
Oh, come on, let it go, he shook his head to forget those embarrassing images, bent his legs to look at the surrounding;  
There seemed to be a party going on here, and the shells of the raid had caught them in the face, a huge crystal chandelier had smashed into the middle of the hall, and overturned chairs and tables were everywhere, but some bottles of whiskey were still lying in the ice bucket. The wine glass on one side was all over the place. Sam picked up an old newspaper at his feet. It was dated March 7,1940.  
"This is the second battle."  
He mumbled his way up from the floor and walked over to the ice bucket. He picked up a bottle of wine and pried the lid off. The brisk cold smell made him shiver. Sam threw up his neck and gulped down a mouthful of ice-cold liquid into his stomach, setting fire to the warm hearth. His eyes narrowed contentedly. It was his first time to drink this old-fashioned wine. In UCA, people had to resort to synthetic alcohol to ease their addiction. He also delivered a lot of alcohol reagents... he couldn't resist taking another SIP. As her pounded on the bulkhead of BB pod with her small fist, Lou seemed so unsatisfied with her Guardian's behavior.  
"I know, I know...just a sip." He patted the nursery, put down the bottle, and walked slowly through the mass ground.  
Suddenly the Odradek on his shoulder lit up, flashing in crazy into the darkness before him, and a faint light lit up the scene. Sam took a step back and held the pod, raised his head in horror:

A huge black net replaced the crystal chandelier and hung from the ceiling with a naked man in the middle.  
The dolls clattered on the net, each with only one blue eye open, the flame burned from the edge of the net, emitting the stench of plastic burning. Cliff broke the thread and fell down to the ground, slowly opening his eyes.  
Sam Put one hand over Lou and with the other pulled the pistol from his waist, aimed it at the chest of the man who was approaching. "Cliff! Clifford Unger!" He shouted his name, trying to summon some sanity of Cliff.  
As before, Cliff ignored his child's call, and more tar began to rise from his feet, so Sam closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.  
Shots rang out in the Empty Hall, and knowing that his blood would not cause real death to the ghost on the beach, Sam still afraid to look at the man in front of him, laid down his hands, opening his eyes.  
Black blood from the chest down, dripping at the foot to stop the black mud filled. Cliff lowered his head and frowned, as if wondering why a weapon, a man could hurt him. The blood mist is all around, the ghost soldiers from underground cowered, were afraid to move a step. Exasperated, Cliff produced a submachinegun and sprayed the strange man in front of him.  
Sam dodged the first bullet, crouched between the tables and chairs, shot back with his pistol at a man not far away, the bullet was soon empty, but Cliff did not fall down. So he grabbed a bottle on the table and threw it at Cliff as a bull's-eye, glass and liquor shattered on his head and face.  
The provocation enraged the soldier, and Cliff tossed his weapon aside and leaped to his feet on the overturned table, throwing Sam to the ground before he had time to dodge and putting hands around his neck.  
Sam dropped his knees on Cliff stomach, reached out and grabbed his neck. Lou squirmed uneasily in the BB pod. Then, with a frown on his face, Sam bent his legs again and pressed them near the pod. His legs crossed the man's waist, feet locked together, separating Cliff's body from Lou's, then he forced to switch their bodies upside down and knelt on Cliff's body.  
Neither of them had moved their hands from the other's throat, and were both holding on to see who would fall first. Sam felt a rush of blackness in his eyes. When Odradek warned about the low blood oxygen, he remembered that he was still attached to the little guy and had to let go of his hand and pull on Cliff's wrist.  
Lou let out a feeble cry, and Sam felt the hand on his neck sudden released. He fell to his knees, gasping, coughing up bloody saliva. The man in front of him, instead of continuing to attack, knelt down and held out hands towards him.  
"NO!"  
Sam recoiled, a piece of chandelier plunged into his thigh, blood quickly soaked and left the visible traces of his clothing, he looked up to see Cliff's eyes, black tar oozing out slowly from them.  
"Baby...my baby..."  
The man crawls up to Sam on all fours, seemingly forgetting that he is the master of this beach of Hell, and that a single command can kill this enemy in front of him, or drag him into a bottomless pit. But he crawled, calling his child, black tears streaming down his pale cheek.  
More pieces stuck in his hand, but he didn't feel it, moving toward his target. Blood mixed with wine stains, fermenting around them, producing a dizzying aroma. The explosion and the gunshot outside the window were lost in this smell, as if everything were far away;  
Sam had retreated into the corner of the overturned table and chair, with no way out. He drew his dagger from his waist and pointed it at the man who was crawling inch by inch closer. He saw the quivering tip of the knife, like leaves in wind, pointed it at Cliff's bare chest. The dark figure enveloped him with a sweet, dizzying smell of wine and blood, Sam heard the dagger pierce through the flesh with a squeak that filled his palm with a slick of liquid. Cliff paused, thrusting his arms across Sam's ears and threw himself upon Sam, never intending to grasp his neck again.  
Abandon, Sam dropped the dagger and reached for the man's crushed body, freeing his other hand to undo the clasp of the pod and tuck it under the table beside him, though he was completely reassured by the quality of the equipment made by MaMa, but he doesn't have the courage to let it near the present Cliff; This man forgot he's in control of the beach, and he doesn't remember who he is, as if Sam's bottle of wine had knocked him with dizzy, the only thing he knew was leaning into the only moving target in here.  
A flare landed with a long tail on the street outside the window. Everything around it was as a bright flash. The huge shock wave made Sam momentarily deaf. In the throb of his ears and dizziness, he watched as Cliff raised head from his shoulder, a strange light jumped in this pair of eyes.  
Cliff put his hand over his child's ear and pressed his lips against Sam's.

Everything that follows is eerie and dreamlike, and the world falls into absolute silence, pure black and white.  
Sam's eyes widened as if trying to figure out what was going on, but the alcohol smell made his head dizzy and his stomach burned, burning his lips and cheeks all the way down his esophagus. Cliff was trying to squeeze his own tongue into his mouth, and he stuck out his tongue to push it out, but in vain, except to purr. He was forced to swallow both two guy's saliva, much better than tar, and he could taste the lingering scent of whiskey in his mouth, which now twined around the tip of Cliff's tongue. It was a thought that made his head spin, and he didn't have the strength to pull the arm away from him and hang it around Cliff's neck, can't going in and can't move back, before his confused mind could make sense of it all.  
"I was... painful... " Cliff whispered near his lips," I had committed a mortal sin, again and again... as punishment, my child would also have to bear the burden of that sin..."  
Black tears came from under his eyes, and Sam could see his eyelashes trembling and his cold breath gushed on his own lips.  
"There's no escape, no absolution... who do I call for help, who do I pray to? They're all watching me... In hell, waiting for me to fall into, waiting to tear my baby apart..."  
The sadness in his eyes was heartbreaking, and the monster folded its fangs and claws, exposing its softest belly and wounds to Sam.  
Before Sam could reply, he kissed her again, like a spoiled child begging his parents for candy. At the thought of this, something in his head snapped, and Sam's arms finally around the neck of the man in front of him, pulling Cliff closer to him.  
"I'd better forget who you are... and who I am."  
He murmured, too busy tangling his tongue with that of the other man in his mouth, but still he couldn't hear anything, so he let out a heavy, desperate gasp, and Cliff's kiss fell from his lips to his chin, across his neck, and finally to his chest.  
"Oh, No! Don't do that! Cliff!"  
Sam's eyes widened in horror, his most embarrassing secret, and now he revealed it to the last person who wanted to know; he couldn't Stop Cliff from sticking out his tongue and circling the spot like a feather; he shivered violently Like a deer in distress, putting its softest neck under a hunter's gun.  
"Beg you...please..."  
His voice had taken on a cry, what a damned mood chaos! What a damned hormonal anomaly! The lust had burned away his brain, leaving only a small piece to control his actions, Sam were holding his hand to the back of Cliff's head, can't figure out himself whether want to hug Cliff or push him away, like he don't know that word 'Beg you' is beg for what.  
Cliff took that point in his mouth and sucked it hard.  
Sam can't look down, can't think about this situation, and he was so grateful that he had temporarily lost his hearing, that he couldn't hear his own breathing or the sound of swallowing in front of his chest. But countless nerve endings faithfully conveyed to him all the sensations, Cliff's teeth and tongue, the breath he sucked, the fluid that trickled out of his body... he bent his legs to hide another part of his abnormality, but the guy in front of him was sitting on his knee.  
He didn't know whether Cliff recognized him or know who he thought he was. Every man on the battlefield wants to be a child, a suckling baby in the arms of his mother, the safest place in the world, the closest to home, without any danger, without any enemy to consider. Perhaps the strong feeling of homesick had made Cliff strange enough to think of Sam... as his own mother.  
The most satire part is, he once realized that he has no father, but now his true father treat him as another mother——his own mother. Sam closed his eyes and tried not to stray too far down this wrong incest path.  
At last Cliff let go of the search for the secret and found his lips again. Sam tasted his own milk on the tip of his tongue, fishy and sweet. The flames came out again, burning the corners of his eyes, and he frowned, trying to get out from under his father's legs, his trousers were too taut that the designer must not have considered the situation when he applied the material... nor did he.  
Cliff spread his legs and thrust himself into Sam's lap, pressing one hand against his racing heart and the other against the waistband of his overalls.  
Sam was as stiff as a board, and didn't know where to put his hands or feet. Maybe one blow to his head, one to his own，make it over. As he Random Thoughts, unaware that his pants had fallen to his knees, it was too late to cover it up, and he sadly found himself on the losing side of the melee. It was as if Cliff had justice on his side from the start, stripping him down to his clothes without hesitate.  
"Oh——" he had put his burning face in his hands and decided to be an ostrich.  
Now he could neither see nor hear, and his senses were heightened. Sam knew that he was as hard as a hot iron, and so was the other man, he prayed that they might reconcile in a gentle way, and that no one owed anyone anything.  
But Cliff seems to think otherwise, determined to push Sam to the point of No Return; no flexible tentacle, no hordes of black snakes, just his mouth, and his hand -- just a absolute conquest of one man by another man.  
Now the milk and semen were stuck to Sam's chest, making it muddy. He watched as the man in front of him put out his tongue and licked it all the way from his belly to his neck. He saw the light in Cliff's eyes, the same light that burned the sky.  
And Sam knew that it was time for his child to atone for his sins.  
Instead of waiting for the demons of hell to tear him to shreds, Cliff tore Him to shreds; Handprints streaked across all his thighs. Cliff locked his hip bone and crash him in to pieces. Sam hit his head on one of the legs of the table, and the glass rolled down and broke beside his ear.  
Sam felt as if he could hear some sound, a small cry, and his own heavy breathing. He turned his head, trying to see the hatch in the shadow of the tablecloth, but no connected device would not light up, so all he could hear was the little one crying and crying... until his heart broke.  
"Don't...don't cry..."  
Sam reached out into the darkness and tried to touch the little round pod, even if it couldn't reach Lou, even if it could only touch her across the bulkhead... tears were streaming down the corners of his eyes, and he was in such a great pain. It was as if someone had snapped him open with a blunt axe and dragged him across the sand; He was sore and aggrieved, wondering why he had been so tortured, and tears were his only outlet. Only to this day did he discover that he had so much liquid in his body to flow out.

Another hand wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes.  
"Don't cry."  
Sam turned her head and saw that his father had stopped and was looking sadly at herself.  
"Don't cry. " he said again, running his fingers over the soft, damp skin.  
Sam saw the tears in his eyes, and the man in front of him seemed to have just woken up from a nightmare, in the past he having been unable to wipe them away through the thick glass between him and his child. Now he could finally erase them——the tears for himself.  
"I'm so sorry."  
He withdrew his hand, took one last look at Sam, and reached for the dagger in his heart. Black blood gushed from the big hole, a continuous, on the ground quickly accumulated a pool, from the lake into the sea, drowning in front of the two figures.

6

The rain trickled down from the palm leaves and dropped down to the man's face.  
Sam frowned and opened his eyes. The pod was right in front of him. Inside the little guy is holding her legs around, saw him wake up, gave him a sweet smile.  
You're still here...  
He heaved a sigh of relief, put the pod back where it was, and sat up from the land. The moist air from tropical rain forest, drilled into his nose, here seemed to be the last battlefield he has been.  
With the faint sound of gunfire far away here, Sam opened the Odradek and headed in a general direction. The closer he got to the battle, the more blood and body parts he found, rotting in the heat and humidity, creating a suffocating stench. He covered his nose and mouth, turned quickly over a ditch. The forest became sparse so that he could see the blue coastline.  
No, there's something else. He squinted, trying to make out the gray dots that were closing in fast.  
The first shell landed in the bushes beside him, causing a series of screams; then the second, and then the third, raining down on the forest, breaking the Stout Banyan tree in its middle. Sam walked through the trenches bent over piles of corpses and dying men trying to hold him back. He didn't stop, and he can't. Sam didn't know where Clifford was in this field, and he didn't know if he'd come looking for him or Lou also.

After the first two events, he was sure it wouldn't be a repeat of the previous entry into the storm's center. Something changed, and Clifford, who had previously the complete control of the beach, seemed to have some limitations.  
A stray bullet exploded next to him, throwing mud all over his face, Sam dropped down to the ground when he heard the sound of gunfire just a few feet away. A group of soldiers ran past him and rushed to the chariot that had just landed. Unable to understand what the men were yelling about, and unable to find where Clifford's troops were, Sam got up again and rushed into the ditch beside him.  
He had a vague sense that this time Clifford would not come looking for him, and that he would find Clifford.

Sam did not know how long he had searched the field. The gunfire faded away, and the forest was silent again, as if the battle was over. He didn't know which side was winning, he didn't care, he just wanted to see that man again.  
At last, at the next corner of the ditch, he saw a figure leaning against the wall, with his head bowed, and Sam trotted over there, Eyes Wide with great disbelief;  
The man sitting against the wall was pale faced, his hand pressed against his stomach, but not cover the gaping hole and flowing blood, through which his intestines spilled onto the dusty ground. His left knee was also twisted and cracked, exposing the white bone, and the blood flowed like the stream, get its way to Sam's feet.  
HOW...WHY...?  
Sam carefully cradles his shoulder, injects the antibiotic, and pulls the bandage and splint from his backpack. He closed his eyes, rinsed out his organs with sterile water, and shoved them back into the hole in Clifford's belly. The wound was so large that his fingers, which held the needle and thread, began to quiver and he had to move through flesh and blood again.  
The sensation of pain jolted the nerves and woke the unconscious man. Clifford slowly opened his eyes and saw Lou, who was blowing bubbles at himself in the BB pod, a faint smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.  
"Sam, "he nudged the arm of the man in front of him. "It was too late. It was too late..."  
But... Sam looked into his eyes, and there were so many questions to ask, why are you dying as the master of the beach? Why are you here, alone?  
But he could not utter a word, his eyes stung with the blood of his hands, Sam wanted to rub his canthus but made face into a mess also.  
Clifford smiled when he saw his child like this. "Help me up. I want to go to the beach."

They walked and struggled out of the mass battlefield, covered with body parts, from the forest to the Bush to the low grassy knoll. Cliff was too weak to move his legs, so Sam slung him over his shoulder and dragged him along.  
"We lost the battle, and I was sent homeland as a wounded soldier, "Hugh Clifford said, with a faint voice. "I led a group of 300 people, only three people can return alive... from that time I began to be tired of all, tired of the battlefield has brought me countless glory..."  
"I've spent most of my life here, trying to destroy enemy strongholds, destroying as many of them as possible, and those... those lives are just cold numbers to me, and I can't imagine that they're human, that they can feel pain as I can, that there are people waiting for them to return back..."  
"On the boat back home, I suddenly realized all this and felt great fear for the sins I had committed. I knew that I would never be able to atone, and can't get forgiveness forever. There's always blood on my hands."  
They had stepped on the soft sand, and the blue sea was within reach. Cliff began to cough violently, the wound burst open, and the blood quickly spread over the bandage.  
"I thought I can't love anyone like a normal person... I kept walking on the edge of the cliff, and there was hell below... " he reached out his hand and touched the corner of Sam's eye and landed on the pod in his arms.  
"I know I am a rotten apple, although the surface is bright, but was moth-eaten inside, no one can find my ugliness my degradation my pain, I can’t tell anyone...I stepped into the dirty river that can’t clean myself forever."  
"Until I saw you, Sam."  
Tears slowly ran down his cheeks, hidden in the shadow of his neck, " when the little one, you, cracked a smile at me in the pod, I suddenly knew how to love and protect, not hurt someone."  
"I couldn't save you, but you saved my life."  
"Thank you."  
Cliff closed his eyes and fell forward heavily, Sam tried to catch him and was dropped into the ocean beneath them, where the water covered his head. He reached out and groped for Cliff's body, but he could no longer reach it.  
So Sam knew he was back in the ocean again, just one more step, just one more step, to reach the real SEA in Cliff, and bring back his Ka.  
But what is the last anchor?  
He saw in the distance an umbilical cord shining brighter than any he had ever seen, and he swam to it, and at the end of that cord was a little fetus;

Is himself.

7

He saw a fetus lying on the beach.

The waves came and went around him, taking the died shellfish that was stranding here, and he stood there for who knows how long. Years? decades? centuries? Time has no meaning here, everything is instant, everything is eternal, no one comes, no one remembers him.

A pair of hands picked up that little baby.  
He looked up and saw someone standing on the beach. It wasn't a woman in red. It was a man in transport uniform. And the strange thing is, he knew who he is, no matter what he became.  
The visitor cradled the baby in his arms and hummed a Lullaby. The tune was familiar to him, so he hummed follow him.

The baby's cry faded away and the visitor stood before him through the waves.

"Clifford Unger,”  
Sam whispered his name, "you have told me that you are an apple with worm that has rotted away. It can’t be saved or returned to its original form."  
"But I think for a long time, think you said was wrong;"

"You buried yourself in love and courage, buried yourself in that soil..." his voice choked up, these words he kept in his heart for so long that he thought he would never get a chance to say.  
"And then, ten, twenty years later, that seed grew into a tree, blossomed into the same, healthy, complete fruit... Clifford, I am that apple, that bridge to your future."

He took the man's shaking hand and locked each finger to Cliff's.  
Love makes you whole and makes me whole... the end of my life is the time to walk beside you now and forever.

“Come back with me.” he said softly.

END


End file.
